3/28/2018: my ps3

Thanks to, uh, recent events (that’s all I’ll say for now), I had another emotional breakdown, and have been all fucked up and weird because of it. When this happens, and I manage to calm down a little bit, I tend to find myself having really hard nostalgia trips, and doing self-care by metaphorically traveling back in time to when things weren’t all fucked up. Because Laugh Out Loud at your bourgeoisie “affording to see a therapist” or whatever.

And my Playstation 3 tends to find itself played a lot more often when this happens. Especially now that the weather is starting to get warmer. See, I spent a lot of time back in 2011-2012 playing a lot of weird shit on that system during the Spring-Summer. I didn’t go out much then, and still don’t go out much these days because 1) I’m the only person in my remaining IRL friends group that doesn’t have kids and shit to take care of, 2) my allergies tend to strike really bad at that time of the year, and 3) I’m a recovering alcoholic (went from drinking six days a week back in 2012 to once or twice a year ever since). So I tend to stay in a lot, hence all the talk about gaming and the internet and why this website is called the “Lonely Frontier.”

So, as such, I want to nostalgia trip and talk a little bit about the stuff I binge on when I’m triggered to fuck and too insane to deal with reality.

 

Burnout Paradise

This is a game about driving around for hours, yelling at a radio DJ who sounds like the manager at my old job to shut the fuck up, and crashing into things intentionally and unintentionally. I recently 100% all of the events, so if I load this up, it’s to speed around, looking for hidden billboards to crash through.

Also this game supports custom soundtracks. I got a lot of really good driving tunes on my PS3 hard drive that I need to reupload onto here at some point.

 

Hakuna Matata/Afrika

This is a game that seemingly everyone but me hates. You go around this wildlife preserve in an unnamed part of Africa, taking pictures of the wildlife. It’s a fairly soothing game: you drive around in a jeep (while you have Toto’s “Africa” playing somewhere in your house, I would hope), you find a good spot to shoot, then you hide in some bushes or at the top of a tree, waiting for whichever animal you want to snap a photo of to come by without running away or trying to kill you (there’s no game over state, you just go back to base camp and repeat the day from the beginning). People will say that that’s boring, and say to them: suck my ass, bitch. This game fuckin’ rules!

 

Resident Evil 5

Speaking of Africa, there’s another game I like to play around this time of year. Though, unlike Hakuna Matata, which treated its subject matter with dignity and respect, RE5 is instead hella racist. And for that reason, it’s really hard for me to recommend it to anyone who isn’t willing to be problematic, simply because it requires me to say, out loud, “yeah, it’s great, if you can ignore the racist imagery.” And nobody should ever say that.

 

Gran Turismo 6

The antithesis to Burnout. Whereas that game was a wild, out of control joyride, GT6 is a much more reserved Driving Sim. That doesn’t make any less fun. It’s a game about getting behind the wheel of a large automobile that you will never be able to afford at any point in your life, and showing up other dipshits in expensive cars by driving not just faster than them, but smarter than them. And much like Burnout, I can listen to the custom soundtrack on my PS3, and scream my way through the Daytona Speedway in a Mitsubishi Lancer while listening to Demi Lovato’s “Two World’s Collide.” It’s a little something I like to call “being cultured.”

 

3D Dot Game Heroes

It’s a blatant Zelda knock-off by From Software. It’s fun as fuck, and you get to make your own characters. Not much else I can really say about that.

 

Demon’s Souls/Dark Souls

Yes, I know that they’re both wildly different games, but I play the two Souls games for the same reasons: I got them all memorized to the point of having very streamlined, but still very fun runs, with different builds and different weapons. From Software’s library pretty much dominates all of my Sony consoles.

 

Tokyo Jungle

This is a roguelike where you can be a Pomeranian and run around murdering Jaguars and shit if you’re strong enough. It’s about surviving in a radioactive environment, racking up points so you can put funny looking hats on a murderous housecat and finally get around to unlocking the robot dogs at the bottom of the character select.

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