[Ramona’s note: this was originally posted on 5/17/2016]
There have been video games. And almost as long as there have been video games, there have been frogs in them. Frogs are good. Everybody loves frogs. Why don’t you love frogs?
Frog from Chrono Trigger
Chrono Trigger is a good game. It’s a game with a frog in it. Not only that, but a frog that you can play as! I like him. He’s a sweet boy who tries hard. How much of a frog is he? His name is Frog.
Frog from Symphony of the Night
I love this game. But you can’t play as this frog. It drops a pizza when you kill one sometimes, and it hangs out in a cave with a sweet jazzy tune. They’re hard to hit, especially if you play the XBox 360 version. Why would you play that version?
Kero Blaster is a game by the guy who made Cave Story, a seminal Indie Games classic known for its endearing characters, wonderful art and music, and excellent level design. This somehow influenced EA programmers and creepy nice guys to make their own games about pining after a girl they saw at Starbucks once. Kero Blaster is a frog with a gun, and Kero is Japanese for Frog, I think. And I love guns, because I’m American, and I love frogs. This is a frog.
Frog from Rumble Roses
Despite being a big-titty anime game about women wrestlers, there’s a frog in it, too! This frog sucks up people like a vacuum and spits them out. It’s cool. I wish I could be a woman, like the women in this game. A woman who rides on a killer frog. Frogs are wonderful and nice.
Kerotan from Metal Gear Solid 3
Kerotan is the only frog that isn’t real. It’s a toy. 64 toys. You shoot 64 frog toys and you can turn invisible afterwards. Don’t you want to be invisible? To hide from the world and it’s continuing horror? Just you, me, and the frogs. Hideo Kojima loves frogs, too. Almost as much as he hates women and homosexuals. Maybe he should be the one who is invisible, instead. Don’t taint my frog friends with your hate!
I hope you all enjoyed the game frogs. Let’s hope for more frogs in the new year!
Except Frogger. He’s a chump.