update

Figured I should make a blog post, so as not to let people think I’ve died or completely gone insane over the course of the last week. Well, uh, I haven’t.

Admittedly, it’s been a bit hard at times. I haven’t touched any alcohol this whole time, which is good. But then I still have to deal with all the bad late-night thoughts without any chemical assistance. It’s something I’ll have to learn to deal with all over again, I suppose.

I’ve spent most of my “detox” playing Spider-Man on the PS4, which I got as a gift. It’s a really good game, though I’m bummed that there was no Venom and no Symbiote costume. And those Taskmaster side missions can go fuck themselves.

yo you remember the end of metal gear solid 2????????

I also managed to do a couple of streams for the Dreamcast’s anniversary. You should watch them.

That’s pretty much been it: playing video games and trying to keep my head down as best I can. I’ve still been getting informed of the news, both in the IRL and the internet, and none of it is good. And as tempting as it is to get mad and yell and get into a fight with someone in some vain hope for justice or revenge (whichever comes first) that I know full well will never come, I have to remember that it helps nobody, least of all me.

As far as doing art and stuff like that goes, that particular head space is getting a bit clearer. I might even try doing some stuff tomorrow. And again, I apologize to everyone who really likes that stuff, and especially sorry to everyone who supports my Patreon. I hate not being able to “perform,” for lack of a better term, but it was probably not a good idea to tap into the negative parts of my brain again so soon after literally wanting to kill myself.

All this being said, I think I still need to be less “on” for a while. Putting yourself out there for four years straight without a break really fucks with you. I would really like to be in a spot, mentally and emotionally speaking, where I’m not calling a friend while I’m on the verge of a breakdown because I can’t trust myself. I’ll still be doing streams (tune in tomorrow when I continue with Sonic Adventure) and trying to get some art done. But I think it’s still a good idea to keep this current trend of staying inside my own self-made bubble and focusing on me, something I’m not really used to doing.

Before I wrap this up and hit “publish,” I’d like to take a second and thank everyone who sent me messages and well wishes over the past week. Funny, it’s only been a week, but it feels like a month has gone by. In any event, I did see them, and I appreciated them. Situations like that, you always feel alone, and too afraid to reach out. It’s a good reminder that that isn’t the case for me.

Anyways, I love you all, except for the people I don’t. I’ll post again in a week. Maybe earlier if something cool happens or if I finally make something.

Marvel’s Spider-Man_20180908154015

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