final post of 2018

Today is New Years Eve. Now that I’ve gotten my angry, bitter end of the year post out of the way, this is going to be the opposite. Rather, I’m going to talk about the good things. And the things I want more of in 2019.

First, to all my friends. Thank you for sticking with me, even when you probably had better things to do than deal with my weird, mentally ill ass. That goes for all of you I’ve known for years, whose bonds I like to think I’ve strengthened, and for all the wonderful people I’ve met this year. I know that I’m probably not the easiest person to be around, or listen to, or look at, but I appreciate you all being there nonetheless. Gabi, Charlotte, Sarah, SF, Hushy, Pode, Nora, Amanda, Alex, Melly, Sasha, Zedra, Other Sara, and anyone else I forgot because I’m writing this bullshit off the top of my head: you’re all great, and I love you.

Second, to everyone who has supported my work. Everyone who has liked, shared, or even paid for my art. Or just hung around in general. One of the “great” things about Bipolar Disorder is that it makes me paranoid as fuck; constantly being annoyed by a voice telling me that I don’t actually have any real friends, and that everyone is just here to gawk at me like some sideshow freak, waiting for my next big breakdown, like I’m Chris-chan or DarkSydePhil or something. Probably doesn’t help that there are people who are only around to gawk at me like some sideshow freak, waiting for my next big breakdown. I absolutely melted down over this a few weeks ago, which is something I’m still very much ashamed of. And every so often I have to look at those numbers on “social media” or itch.io or whatever and see that that’s not actually true. So thank you all.

Third, to all the groups and outlets that took a chance on me. Snexploration, for letting me tell stupid jokes into a microphone and pretend like I’m not a complete dunce while trying to say deep things about Super Nintendo games (look forward to the Wizardry episode…sometime soon I don’t know). Game and Love, for being willing to put me up front and center to a queer games audience, despite the baggage that comes with my name (and shout out to the one member of the group who I know absolutely hates my guts, but has been willing to at least be civil in the discord; this is an actual thank you, not some passive-aggressive swipe). And apologies for only writing about games on a sporadic basis as of late. Maybe that will change in 2019. PC Gamer, that one time they published my piece on Fire Pro Wrestling’s welcoming community, before it completely fell apart due to petty drama and the owner of Fire Pro Club being a pedophile, retroactively making me look like a goddamned fool. So you know, thanks for that, I guess. Assholes.

Fourth, MY GIRLFRIEND.

the one on the right. not sonic. i understand that when it comes to me, this could easily be confusing.

I know that shit’s been rough the last few months, and we haven’t really had the time to have a relationship due to that. But I’m hoping this coming year will spare us the bullshit, and we can go back to being gay dumbasses the way god (or as I call him, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, while I walk around Barnes and Noble putting copies of the Bible in the “fiction” department) intended.

2019 is going to involve me (hopefully) leaving the bullshit in the past. A year where I become a better friend, a better partner, and a better artist. And if I’m lucky, maybe even a better person. But let’s not push our luck, here. In the meantime, I’m going to ride out the last few hours of the year, feeling pretty good for not giving into the temptation to start drinking again (four month anniversary is the 7th!).

Happy New Year, everyone!

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