Some of you have probably noticed by now that I’ve been posting things later in the week than normal, assuming I don’t miss a week entirely. I’ve been having a much harder time getting things done. For reasons I’m actually keeping private for once, I have been having a pretty bad time with anxiety as of late, at least over the last two months. It’s gotten pretty bad these last few weeks. A few of you probably figured out something was wrong when I started posting on social media again. While I have been able to get some posts and a couple of streams out there, I haven’t necessarily felt at 100% when putting some of that stuff out, feeling more like I’m doing things out of obligation to my self-imposed deadlines than because these are things I really want to say or do. Even something as simple as “hey, I should play a fighting game” leads to me spending the next six hours doing literally anything else, like watching streams on YouTube or taking a nap because my nerves act up and I’m too nervous to do the thing I wanted to do in the first place. It sucks.
A lot of my time not spent being stressed or dealing with a rough situation has involved me being wrapped up in a blanket, trying to play an RPG, or passing out in my chair while watching a Retro Pals video. That’s not an insult to the Retro Pals; it’s a great channel, I think watching the two of them playing old arcade games puts me in a state where I can relax, but maybe relax a little too much and end up falling asleep.
It does suck tremendously to feel like this during the fall. Fall is my favorite season! The weather conveniently shifted overnight as soon as October 1st hit, and I’ve had a reason to bundle up and not sweat through my clothes in the 100 degree heat. This is when it gets dark earlier in the day, it feels more appropriate to listen to shoegaze, Halloween happens, all types of cool shit. Instead, I just feel like shit.
It hasn’t been all bad, at least. I did manage to get a lot of work done on a gamedev project, especially in regards to making enemies with some semblance of artificial intelligence, in addition to having to make the art assets for all of those enemies. I’ll show off all that stuff at some point.
And I did manage to deal with my bull shit enough to get at least a couple days out of that Guilty Gear beta before I had to leave for one final week-long work thing (which I’m currently doing now). I figured out that my main in Xrd and AC+R is Venom. He’s a fun dude to play as, he appeals to my past of playing pool, and his theme song is a Napalm Death track, which rules.
Anyways, that’s it. I just wanted to make a post explaining why there’s no post this week, despite how nonsensical that sounds. I’m just taking things slow for right now to try and deal with all the bad feelings I’ve got at the moment. Hopefully my brain will even out soon enough, as I would like to get back to doing the work I want to do, because it’s actually fun and rewarding.