retail memorabilia #3: littlebigplanet

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these, but I found this while digging through my closet today, so it’s time for a new post!

This is small booklet, for lack of a better term, to promote the at the time upcoming LittleBigPlanet.

front
back

You open it up, and you get this sort of box/card holder type thing. It doesn’t open or anything.

But it does hold a number of postcard sized slips that list out all of the games’ features.

and here’s the back of the holder

Now unfortunately, I no longer have a working scanner (those Resistance 2 scans I have were done years ago), so iPhone will have to suffice for all of these cards. There are twelve all together.

Now, all of these have a design on the back. You put all twelve cards together, and it turns into this:

Now, I remember looking forward to the game really bad. I ended up buying it at launch. I have a thing for games that include a robust level creator. Games like Megaman Powered Up and Mario Maker are a permanent part of my collection, and LBP has hung around on my shelf for the same reason.

It’s just a shame that the games themselves are not especially good. At least aesthetically, the series is great. Amazing soundtracks and, if you know what you’re doing, it’s capable of some fantastic visuals, too. But the controls are really floating and hard to deal with, and the physics engine only adds to lack of handling you have. And on top of that, the actual level editor is really fucking complicated. I played this game in my 20s, and was having a hard time figuring out really basic things like putting platforms in the right place. LittleBigPlanet is a game aimed at like, eight year olds. If I, at around 22 (TWENTY-TWO!?) years old was struggling to make something, what chance do literal children have, you know? That being said, I still own all three of them, and load them up from time to time. Even if I can’t make shit in it, I can still sometimes find some good stuff other people have put together.

So that’s it for this post. I’m still digging around, looking for some bits of old promo materials I still have. Right now, I’m trying to find a collection of lanyards and pens, miscellaneous stuff.

And because this is a LittleBigPlanet post, figured I’d post one of the songs from its awesome soundtrack.

The Go! Team- Get It Together

sailor moon super s- various emotion

Something I’ve mentioned a couple of times in the past was how often I would read and re-read issues of Diehard Gamefan Magazine as a kid. I don’t bring it up much as an adult, due to me finding out that the editorial staff were all scumbags (writers seem okay, though). Not really interested in waxing nostalgic for a magazine once run by someone who uses the term “thug” to describe Trayvon Martin, you know?

But as a kid, I didn’t know. Not too many people did; internet in 1996 wasn’t what it is today. Enough about that, though. I was into it mostly because it was a magazine willing to cover a lot of obscure shit that you never would have heard of otherwise, with a pretty massive import section. Of course, me being a literal child at the time, I couldn’t afford any of it, but I had an active imagination, and would often times imagine me playing these games that looked really cool. Magic Knight Rayearth, being one. That section was also my introduction to the Fire Pro Wrestling series, and I don’t think I need to link my PC Gamer article again, do I?

One of those games that I obsessed over was Sailor Moon Super S- Various Emotion. My last post talking about Sailor Moon fighting games triggered this memory. But I remember reading its one page preview, because I was such a massive Sailor Moon fan and watched the show every day (station UPN 20, channel 3 on your cable box), I wanted to play this game so bad. Now, I didn’t have money, neither did my parents. I didn’t even own a Sega Saturn until I was 19. Actually ordering imports at that time was ludicrously expensive, and apparently pretty sketchy. And on top of that, I didn’t have any knowledge of the Japanese language. But it didn’t matter, because it was Sailor Moon and by fucking God, I needed it in my life.

I never did end up owning the game.

However, emulation exists! And playing Saturn games has been…okay-ish, for the last few years. So I figured, why not finally sit down and play this game?

Holy shit

Various Emotion is absolute garbage. Without a doubt, the bottom of the fucking barrel for Sailor Moon. Probably one of the worst games ever made. No joke.

It’s another fighting game, I think. There are buttons, but they don’t really seem to do much. And that’s not me doing some angry game guy bit, I legitimately have zero fucking clue how the controls in this game work. You press a button, and maybe you’ll throw a punch, or taunt, or stand there doing nothing. There’s such a massive input delay that I’ll never figure out what does what. Plus animations take way too fucking long to play out, and look like this:

It’s slow, it’s plodding, it runs like shit and looks worse. And, that’s another thing, at risk of sounding like some kind of hipster: I have never thought that prerendered graphics have looked good. Prerendered backgrounds, like in Final Fantasy and Resident Evil? Great. Timeless. Chunky looking bullshit that’s supposed to look like a human being? No. Fuck off. I didn’t even like them in Donkey Kong Country. I know that not liking DKC makes me stupid, and I know that it’s insulting, but it’s also the truth, but I am nothing if not a beacon of Dumb Bitch Energy. I didn’t even like it in Fallout, but I put up with it, because Fallout rules.

seriously, look at this

This Sailor Moon game is straight up unplayable. 9-year old me would be crushed to see this in action. Should consider myself thankful that my first Sailor Moon game experience was playing the Mega Drive one as a teenager. Now that’s a fucking video game. A game that really got me through some tough times in my adolescence. Maybe I’ll talk about that some day. But for now, I’ll just say: dude, fuck Various Emotion. Not worth the nearly twenty year wait.